So loved

I am so loved.

I am so unworthy of this love.

Yet He loves me still.

I am not loved because I deserve it, but because He deserves to have what He shed His own blood to purchase and redeem. I am ransomed with the most precious of currency. The villain set the ransom as high as he could see. He had the opportunity to name his price for the souls of the Kings treasure, and he set his sights on the life of the Life Giver. Did he reckon that I would not be considered worth that infinite value? He reckoned wrong. For the Prince of the kings of the earth stepped forward and pledged to pay the ransom. Did he hope that in the attempt the Prince would fail and he would gain not only the life of the Prince but hold still the life of the treasure upon whom he could carry out his hellish plans? He hoped in vain. Though for a while he held Life in his death grip, through the darkest night when hope slept in cold stillness, his triumph was not to endure. For when the morning came, the Prince broke the chains and rose up from the bowels of the earth victor.

This world is filled with touching love stories. Grand tales of brave acts for treasured loves. But they are nothing. They do not begin to reach the height of the love of my Prince for me. I know me. I know the depths of this sinful heart. And He knows it even better. Yet He came after me anyway. And He does again and again. He calls me His treasure.

Treasure.

To think of myself as anything less...it would require pronouncing the one who fought to the death and poured out His very blood as payment for me, a liar. In the face of such love what can I say? I am speechless. I am broken. All I can do is let Him love me. And that is all He wants.

Let me love you. Let my love transform you. I see you not as you are, but as what my love can make you. You are mine. And I delight to call you such. I am not ashamed of you. You are my treasure. And I love you.

He calls me His own. And I may call Him mine. And He has gone, but He will return. His one desire, to have me with Him where He is. He counts the days. Days unknown. Anticipating the day. The day on which He will come to take me, His treasure...home.

Here He comes

Riding on a white horse

To pull me out from the midst of my enemy

My faithful one

Here He comes

To vanquish His enemies

Fighting with a fierce love

A love stronger than death

My true one

Soft in the stillness of night

Gentle and quiet

His voice assured me again

Child I’m not finished yet

Let your heart rest

I won’t let you slip through my fingers

He holds me

Oh He holds me so closely

I am His

And by His grace He is mine

No power can loosen His grip on me

I’m so tightly held by His mighty love

Here He comes

Riding on a white horse

To pull me out from the midst of my enemy

My faithful one

Here He comes

To vanquish His enemies

Fighting with a fierce love

A love stronger than death

My true one

*Here He Comes

By: Melissa Otto

Album: Blue Sky

Leaning Hard

The gravel squished into the soggy ground under my shoes. A grey sky reflected my heart, as my thoughts drifted with the clouds. It was raining. That part I was happy about and was relishing an umbrella-less Sabbath afternoon walk in the welcome drops. But I was lonely. I wanted to talk to a friend, and no one was available. I thought about the different places I knew some of them were.  Several friends were newly married or reveling in a blossoming relationship. I was all alone. 

"I'm here," a voice gently said. 

"I know You are. I'm sorry... And I want You to be enough, God. But... there's just something about a real, live person." My thoughts continued down a familiar trail. When will I be ready for a special someone? When will he find me? Now, for the most part, I am a very happy single. However, I think the girl’s heart will understand when I say I still long for the day when I can share life with my husband. This is a God-given desire. But I must be alert to the temptation to let my heart pine after the fulfilling of that dream. And some days it's harder than others.

Just then I remembered a quote I'd read in a magazine while tidying up the house the week before. It was in an article complied of excerpts from Grandma Ellen's writings. "Let all the sisters feel that if they haven't a husband to lean upon, they will lean more heavily upon God."*

Lean more heavily... My thought clouds began to settle on that phrase. I have the once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to enjoy a closer relationship with God right now as a single girl than when I am married someday. I don't want to miss that privilege! I am His. And He is mine. What a thought! Isaiah 54:5 came to mind. "For thy Maker is thine husband; the LORD of hosts is His name." And it is my privilege to lean more heavily on Him during these years. 

But I must lean.

Suddenly the rain was a thousand voices whispering His love in my ears. The wind gently caressed my cheek. I slowed my pace, stopped, to just take in the scenery. Crouching on the side of the road, I studied the raindrops. What makes them linger there on the blades of grass like so many diamonds? There is a law set in place by my Maker that tells them to. I just stared, willing my eye to capture forever their simple yet matchless beauty. And all for me. For I was alone the only one to enjoy them.

The music in my pocket was aptly singing, "Your beauty shines, Your love surrounds..." It was true. I soaked up His love like the rain falling on my jacket. The loneliness took flight as the wings of a bird. 

Oh my Love, let me lean... And lean hard.

*The Upward Look p. 147

Bible studies

I have too much to say as usual. And not enough time or energy to say it all. But that's ok because most of you probably wouldn't have enough time to read it. Life. Anyone ever heard the word busy? :)

Update...I have two Bible studies going. Together they add up to 6 people. The first is with two mom's, Susanna and Cassie. Susanna has two little boys, Owen (18mths old) and Oliver (1moth old). Cassie has a little boy Bennet (6mths old). It's a challenge to say the least. I switched the lessons I was using because the first set was taking too long to get through between caring for the precious little ones. So now we are using the series by Karen Lewis, Lifting Up Jesus. I really like these studies. Last night however it felt like Susi and Cassie weren't able to concentrate at all with the little ones. They boys are really quite good for their age. But they have needs that can't wait. It was a bit discouraging as I don't see it getting any easier in the future and this seems to be the only time they can study. But they appear to enjoy the studies and are learning. My other challenge with this one is that Susi uses the NIV and Cassie uses NLT. Both of which have discrepancies in translating chapters on prophecy. This last week Cassie couldn't find her Bible. So she brought her grandma's Bible. It's a Catholic Bible. :) I tried to suggest maybe it would be easier for all of us to use the NKJV since that's what the studies use. They said, "Oh it's fine. I'm following along no problem." *sigh* We study at 7pm CT on Wednesday evenings.

The other study is with Sue, Ron, Mark, and Jordan (a 13y/o neighbor girl of Sue's). I haven't figured out how the other three are related or if they are. Sue bought three books from me when I canvassed last summer. Read that story here under the July 12 section. Ron and Sue live together, but I don't know if they're married or not. They are rural folk through and through. Sue lost her mom last year who she studied the Bible with fairly regularly. They live rather poorly, but I am anxious to see what God will do in their lives. They are incredibly sincere! Jordan has heard next to nothing about religion. She lives with her grandma I gather, who has no interest in it. Jordan wanted to go to church when she was little, but grandma wouldn't take her. So Sue said she's kind of given up. But I think these Bible studies have the potential to bring back the spark and actually answer the questions no one else has taken the time to answer for her. She is bright, but very clueless about the Bible. So it has been a good challenge for me to bring everything down into very simple language and have to give background to every story I tell and every point I make. One thing though, she can read KJV!! A+ for her. :)

Their study is on Tuesdays. We had our second study this week. Mark was gone in TX, but he'd written an opening prayer and left it with a request that I read it at the beginning of the study. He's the most vocal in the study. This first week he was falling asleep a couple times. They all smoke. I can feel it in my lungs when I leave. Ron admitted this last week that he is an alcoholic after I'd mentioned it in an illustration I used. They are so open. Mark the first week said he had once had an experience with God. "It was the most amazing feeling," he said. "Do you want that again, Mark?" I asked. "Oh yeah! That's why I'm here," he immediately responded.

I am humbled by them. I am realizing each week how tremendously privileged I am. It is an awesome thing to present the gospel to people for the first time. Next week I will invite them to ask God into their lives. Pray for them. Sue is struggling. She said she's lost in all the "thee" and "thou" of the KJV. I told her to get a NKJV and it would be a little easier, but promised her that it would get easier the more we studied. She asked why God had so many people killed in the OT. That is a hard question to answer. I did my best. I told her that God never destroys anyone with out giving them chance after chance to accept Him and be freed from the evil that is destroying them. And that is just it, often it is our own actions that bring on destruction. I also explained to her a hazelnut shell version of the great controversy and told her that the devil likes to put his character on God and make us think that God is out to destroy us. But really everything God does is in an effort to save us from the devil. She seemed satisfied for now, but the question still hangs. I don't profess to understand the commands to kill whole nations in the OT either. But I know too much about God love to doubt that He had a plan and it was all mixed with as much mercy as it could be.

Last week Ron pulled down a dusty picture frame off the living room wall with pictures of Jordan as a little girl in it and a drawing she did when she was I think 4y/o. I was stunned. God has a foothold in this little girl. With hardly any knowledge of the Bible and only the answers to the questions she'd asked Ron and Sue (who don't really know much more at this point, only the traditional Christian's knowledge) she had drawn a picture of Jesus and God on a cloud. God is saying to Jesus, "I'm glad you're back." Jesus is saying, "I'm going to get the people." I want this little girl to be there with a smile on her face when He comes to get her! This week she had gotten in trouble at school and was grounded in definitely. I need extra angels to keep that girl out of trouble or at least not grounded! She needs to be in these studies.

Thank you for your prayers. I need them. I feel so inadequate. And I procrastinate so much. Last night I was about in tears. But God is merciful. And He figures out ways to send some of you with encouragement and reminders of His control over all and His love...at just the right time. When these people accept Jesus, you will have been a big part of it. I may be on the front line, but I couldn't stay there long if you weren't backing me with prayer. Thank you!

Acts: The Revolution...

Come join the challenge...

The beginning.

Overwhelmed...

A word that has too often in my life described me. But this time it's in a good way.

The 5 weeks since I left AFCOE have been very full. From GYC, to lessons at home, to talks with friends, to new revelations of God, to an amazing blessing that I truly feel I have not room enough to receive!

I find myself at the dining room table of dear friends. Friends who have given without asking in return. Friends who will never know how much their kindness means to me.

I love surprises. And I got to give a big one this weekend! I'm in Michigan visiting more friends than I even knew I had up here. :) Last Friday night Abigail walked into vespers with no clue I would be there. Her reaction was priceless. My AFCOE classmate, Christian Smith, was quite taken back to see me walk into church. Other friends didn't even believe it could be me and had to ask what my name was.

Things don't just happen...

Friday I "happened" to run into a friend at PMC when Glesni and I "happened" to be there for her to practice the organ. Dana "happened" to invite me to come with her to her Muslim Relations class and to the Mosque afterwards. I skipped the class, but at the last minute went with them to the Mosque. Sitting there all wrapped up in my head scarf I figured it was just an interesting experience. However, the next day during the Louis Torres training weekend being held at the Hartford church... Abby and I went on outreach together. We "happened" to be given this particular territory. We only had less an hour and knew we'd only probably be able to finish one street. We "happened" to decide to start at the far end of one of the streets. While standing out side the van picking which side we would take and which side Glesni and her team would take a lady opened he door and called out, "No, thank you. We're not interested. We are Muslim." My mouth dropped open. The Mosque! I wished so bad I could have talked to her. She hadn't even given us a chance to say who we were or what we were doing! But she had said no to Glesni's team. Not me! :) "Abby, would you go back with me if I went and tried to talk to that lady?" With a little fear and trepidation Abby agreed to go. Before we got to the door she opened it and pleasantly repeated to us her rejection. But I started talking immediately and excitedly told her I had just visited a Mosque for the first time the day before. "Oh really?" she replied. I told her who we were and that we were doing a survey to discover the needs in the community and that there were a variety of things on there some of which she may be interested in..."like health and family!" :) She readily took the survey and filled it out and checked for the health classes. While she scratched away I talked to her little girl peering up at us from just inside the door. I asked her if she liked the snow and if she'd gotten to play in it. She replied with a nod and a smile. "Have you made a snowman yet?" I asked with enthusiasm. "No, it's too cold," she explained. "I haven't built a snowman in a long time!" I said, "Do you think I'm too big to build snowmen?" She thought about that for a moment and then shyly gave a nod. Abby and I giggled and told each other later that we would build a snowman with each other! The mother handed the survey back. We thanked her for her time and said good bye.

It all just happened, right? :) I think not. I was thrilled and look back and see how God had orchestrated events and circumstances to culminate in that meeting. You know, I had the chance of coming to MI in February instead of this week. :)

I am blessed... And I'm only 3 days into this adventure! By the way, we got 30+ Bible study requests from 20+ teams out of less than an hour of knocking on doors. According to those who have been here for a while, that has never been seen. A true miracle they say. Christian Smith now has 55 Bible study leads to follow up on. I'm going to join him when he goes out this Thursday to visit some of them. Can't wait!

Pleadings - part 1 {Perceptions of a Procession}

It is the last week of his life. Up until this time he has sought to be somewhat in the shadows though often unsuccessful. Now yet again they fan the flame of hope that he will be their king and rescuer from the oppressive power they find themselves under. And unlike all the other times he now seems to accept it.

Leaving Bethany with the multitude that had gathered about Him there, He turns His face for the last time steadfastly towards the beloved city.  Excitement reigns. Seated on a borrowed colt the King of the universe is led in a growing processional prophesied five hundred years before as the promised heir to David's throne. The people know exactly what the picture before them symbolizes. It has been repeated by many kings of Israel. They are sure their hour of deliverance has at long last come and hail him as their Messiah and king.

Or so they think...

He seems to be acting in such contrast from the rest of His life and mission. "Never before in His earthly life had Jesus permitted such a demonstration. He clearly foresaw the result.

"It would bring Him to the cross."1

His actions were not, as it seemed, a consent to the will and wish of the throng about Him. The action was calculated to center their attention on Him for the final act of His mission. "It would be needful for His church in all succeeding ages to make His death for the sins of the world a subject of deep thought and study. ...the events which preceded His great sacrifice must be such as to call attention to the sacrifice itself.

"After such a demonstration as that attending His entry into Jerusalem, all eyes would follow His rapid progress to the final scene."2

Hear Him pleading...

Look at me...


Watch me die...


for you.

"The events connected with this triumphal ride would be the talk of every tongue, and would bring Jesus before every mind. After His crucifixion, many would recall these events in their connection with His trial and death. They would be led to search the prophecies, and would be convinced that Jesus was the Messiah; and in all lands converts to the faith would be multiplied."3

Do I by my life, be it a humble lot or exalted station, calculate my every action to point their eyes to His superlative sacrifice?

Would I do what He bids me even if I knew the results will be my demise?

Would I...

The events which preceded His great sacrifice must be such as to call attention to the sacrifice itself.  


He clearly foresaw the result. 

"It would bring Him to the cross."

1) DA 571.2
2) Ibid.
3) DA 571.3

Fear the Lord...

"If there is any man who fears the Lord, he shall be shown the path that he should choose."
Psalm 25:12, NEB

What a beautiful promise! Where should we put our efforts then? Trying to decide which path to choose? Nay! Rather our striving should be to fear the Lord. And when the path through which He leads seems impassable, do not be dismayed. Only trust Him. Claim His promise and move forward.

"When we cannot see our way
Let us trust and still obey;
He who bids us forward go
Cannot fail the way to show.
Though the sea be deep and wide,
Though a passage seem denied,
Fearless let us still proceed,
Since the Lord vouchsafes to lead."
-Anonymous