Are they tears that stain the grass in the morning?
Betrayal of a night long and cold?
Why the sparkle when morning sun rises?
Can sorrow and anguish really beauty hold?
How much time to transform pain?
Can tears become diamonds of worth?
Is there no shortcut to life and freedom
without the pain and struggle of birth?

Leaning Hard

The gravel squished into the soggy ground under my shoes. A grey sky reflected my heart, as my thoughts drifted with the clouds. It was raining. That part I was happy about and was relishing an umbrella-less Sabbath afternoon walk in the welcome drops. But I was lonely. I wanted to talk to a friend, and no one was available. I thought about the different places I knew some of them were.  Several friends were newly married or reveling in a blossoming relationship. I was all alone. 

"I'm here," a voice gently said. 

"I know You are. I'm sorry... And I want You to be enough, God. But... there's just something about a real, live person." My thoughts continued down a familiar trail. When will I be ready for a special someone? When will he find me? Now, for the most part, I am a very happy single. However, I think the girl’s heart will understand when I say I still long for the day when I can share life with my husband. This is a God-given desire. But I must be alert to the temptation to let my heart pine after the fulfilling of that dream. And some days it's harder than others.

Just then I remembered a quote I'd read in a magazine while tidying up the house the week before. It was in an article complied of excerpts from Grandma Ellen's writings. "Let all the sisters feel that if they haven't a husband to lean upon, they will lean more heavily upon God."*

Lean more heavily... My thought clouds began to settle on that phrase. I have the once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to enjoy a closer relationship with God right now as a single girl than when I am married someday. I don't want to miss that privilege! I am His. And He is mine. What a thought! Isaiah 54:5 came to mind. "For thy Maker is thine husband; the LORD of hosts is His name." And it is my privilege to lean more heavily on Him during these years. 

But I must lean.

Suddenly the rain was a thousand voices whispering His love in my ears. The wind gently caressed my cheek. I slowed my pace, stopped, to just take in the scenery. Crouching on the side of the road, I studied the raindrops. What makes them linger there on the blades of grass like so many diamonds? There is a law set in place by my Maker that tells them to. I just stared, willing my eye to capture forever their simple yet matchless beauty. And all for me. For I was alone the only one to enjoy them.

The music in my pocket was aptly singing, "Your beauty shines, Your love surrounds..." It was true. I soaked up His love like the rain falling on my jacket. The loneliness took flight as the wings of a bird. 

Oh my Love, let me lean... And lean hard.

*The Upward Look p. 147