Overwhelmed...

A word that has too often in my life described me. But this time it's in a good way.

The 5 weeks since I left AFCOE have been very full. From GYC, to lessons at home, to talks with friends, to new revelations of God, to an amazing blessing that I truly feel I have not room enough to receive!

I find myself at the dining room table of dear friends. Friends who have given without asking in return. Friends who will never know how much their kindness means to me.

I love surprises. And I got to give a big one this weekend! I'm in Michigan visiting more friends than I even knew I had up here. :) Last Friday night Abigail walked into vespers with no clue I would be there. Her reaction was priceless. My AFCOE classmate, Christian Smith, was quite taken back to see me walk into church. Other friends didn't even believe it could be me and had to ask what my name was.

Things don't just happen...

Friday I "happened" to run into a friend at PMC when Glesni and I "happened" to be there for her to practice the organ. Dana "happened" to invite me to come with her to her Muslim Relations class and to the Mosque afterwards. I skipped the class, but at the last minute went with them to the Mosque. Sitting there all wrapped up in my head scarf I figured it was just an interesting experience. However, the next day during the Louis Torres training weekend being held at the Hartford church... Abby and I went on outreach together. We "happened" to be given this particular territory. We only had less an hour and knew we'd only probably be able to finish one street. We "happened" to decide to start at the far end of one of the streets. While standing out side the van picking which side we would take and which side Glesni and her team would take a lady opened he door and called out, "No, thank you. We're not interested. We are Muslim." My mouth dropped open. The Mosque! I wished so bad I could have talked to her. She hadn't even given us a chance to say who we were or what we were doing! But she had said no to Glesni's team. Not me! :) "Abby, would you go back with me if I went and tried to talk to that lady?" With a little fear and trepidation Abby agreed to go. Before we got to the door she opened it and pleasantly repeated to us her rejection. But I started talking immediately and excitedly told her I had just visited a Mosque for the first time the day before. "Oh really?" she replied. I told her who we were and that we were doing a survey to discover the needs in the community and that there were a variety of things on there some of which she may be interested in..."like health and family!" :) She readily took the survey and filled it out and checked for the health classes. While she scratched away I talked to her little girl peering up at us from just inside the door. I asked her if she liked the snow and if she'd gotten to play in it. She replied with a nod and a smile. "Have you made a snowman yet?" I asked with enthusiasm. "No, it's too cold," she explained. "I haven't built a snowman in a long time!" I said, "Do you think I'm too big to build snowmen?" She thought about that for a moment and then shyly gave a nod. Abby and I giggled and told each other later that we would build a snowman with each other! The mother handed the survey back. We thanked her for her time and said good bye.

It all just happened, right? :) I think not. I was thrilled and look back and see how God had orchestrated events and circumstances to culminate in that meeting. You know, I had the chance of coming to MI in February instead of this week. :)

I am blessed... And I'm only 3 days into this adventure! By the way, we got 30+ Bible study requests from 20+ teams out of less than an hour of knocking on doors. According to those who have been here for a while, that has never been seen. A true miracle they say. Christian Smith now has 55 Bible study leads to follow up on. I'm going to join him when he goes out this Thursday to visit some of them. Can't wait!

AFCOE Graduation Fall 2011

Finally found a video of our complete AFCOE graduation. Yay! Enjoy and I hope you are blessed. :) Miss you all, my AFCOE family! Don't forget what we learned together and stay faithful.

It hurts...

I don't want to believe it...

It's gone...four months. I'm not the only one with these feelings. But this isn't misery, so company doesn't help.

I thought I would cry all graduation weekend. But strangely I didn't shed a tear. They wouldn't come. Which is very surprising to anyone who really knows me. I cried a lot through the four months. In the beginning I thought I couldn't wait till it was over. I thought I would be glad to have all the work done and behind me. Oh...but now I would take a hundred quizzes and tests...just to be back there again.

The tears are finally coming...but now there's no room 9 or 7 to run to. There's no Mama Tammey. My bungee cord is stretched across 1501 miles. It was all too fast. I don't think any of us thought it would end like this. They tried to tell us, but we must not have been listening close enough.

So many memories...

As one friend who knows what I'm talking about put it..."We had bruised our knees together in prayer. We had blistered our feet together going door to door. We had stretched our poor brains together trying to understand the covenants, and why they even mattered anyway. We had spent countless hours that we should have been asleep trying to finish up our Daniel and Revelation papers. We had lived together. We had laughed together. We had been annoyed by eachother. We had been mad at eachother. We were family." We watched each other transform. We saw the struggles. We rejoiced in the victories. We shared everything. We did everything together. Every little thing had significance. Each spot on campus...the picnic tables, the swing, the rock, the bridge, the prayer garden, the loop, the office, the trails, the gravel pit, the stars... We wrestled through together. We won together. We broke through barriers and over came fear together. We talked late into the night together. We claimed the promises together. We watched God do miracles right in front of our eyes. We stood in wonder together at the amazing privilege we'd been given.

And now it's over. And we are hundreds of miles away.

Oh it hurts... Like I've never hurt before. Like something in the pit of your stomach that is wrenching it and twisting it. Apologies to any of you who are not melancholy. Bless your hearts. Most of you who read my blog probably won't understand at all what is going. But a few of you will... you will... and you may even mingle your tears with mine. Thanks for understanding. I've needed to get this out for a week, but I feared being told to buck up and deal with it.

But I can't anymore...so I have process it out loud. Let it go. And I'll thank those of you who will hold me close and let me just cry...and understand. Because you've been there.

If heavens joy is even half as intense as this pain... Ah, but it will be so much more. We will be together again. And the final touch will be put on our joy as we meet on those glassy shores to wake the song again. We'll see all those people we prayed for, cried for, worked for. We will be together again...someday. Meet me there, friend. And don't be late...please.

Please Jesus, we are so small. How are we gonna do this? But you said we could because you would help us. So here's my fives loaves and two fishes. Do with it as you will. I surrender. Take my fears and my inhibitions, all my burdens, my ambitions. You can use it all to feed them all.* And please, Jesus, keep us faithful. Please. We want to get this done soon. We want to be together again. Not in a class room. But sitting together at your feet. Please Jesus, come soon. 




*"Five Loaves and Two Fishes" by Corrinne May. Memory from our last all night prayer together.