Even more...

The gifts of Jesus are ever fresh and new. The feast that He provides for the soul never fails to give satisfaction and joy. Each new gift increases the capacity of the receiver to appreciate and enjoy the blessings of the Lord. He gives grace for grace. There can be no failure of supply. If you abide in Him, the fact that you receive a rich gift today insures the reception of a richer gift tomorrow....With every fresh revelation of His love, He declares to the receptive heart, 

"Believest thou? thou shalt see greater things than these." John 1:50. 

DA 148.3

He does not waste a thing

Since last time...

My study with Susannah and Cassie has been put off indefinitely. Susi went back to work after maternity leave and gets home late. Tried to find a different time that would work, but she said their schedules were just too busy for the summer and maybe we could start again in the fall. We'll see what happens. In the mean time I'll try to stay in touch.

Still studying with Ron and Sue. Jordan comes most of the time. Mark hasn't come back since the first study. I'm not sure what happened to him. Haven't asked for more details than I've gather from conversation.

I was gone the first week of April to OKFCM. I studied with them Sunday night before we left. In that study I did the gospel presentation and invited them to give their hearts and lives to God if they hadn't already. Ron took it fine. Sue seemed standoff-ish. "I thought I already did that?" I wasn't trying to tell her she hadn't! But I do think they haven't caught the full picture yet. I left feeling like I may be losing them. For the first time in this study, feeling like I had failed. And so we left for camp the next morning.

When we returned the next Monday I came down sick. I was in bed all day Tuesday. But if they wanted to I was willing to come. However they were sick too when I called. So we postponed a week. But the next week they were still sick. That was fine with me though because though I was well I was not well. For a variety of reasons I had come under a cloud of discouragement. But deeper than discouragement I was seeing the signs of depression in myself. It's not the first time I've struggled with it. I had no desire to prepare for a Bible study or go talk to people. I wasn't talking much to anyone! But the next week they were ready to start again. I scraped the Bible study together and put on the best pasted smile I could muster. I said the bare minimum and let my mom interject wherever she wanted. I had her open with prayer too and had Ron close. I felt like a complete hypocrite being there. The next week Ron called to say he was sick again with fever and all. So the third Bible study was called off. I still wasn't feeling any better so it was a relief. I'm just being honest. I'm human in case you were wondering. I'm not a saint. But God has this peculiar love for humans. And He wasn't giving up on me. I couldn't have gotten away from Him if I wanted. And you can't either.






Over the next two days though something happened. It was many things coming together and working together - friends, choices, change. By the time the next Bible study came I was back to normal and was ready to face it again. The study was on the Christian's source of power. We read verses about how Jesus lived and how He was our example. So we talked about prayer and Bible study and the basics of them. I told them the old Morris Venden idea, An apple tree grows apples because it is an apple tree, not in order to be one. We talked about John 15 and how we only ever hope to have fruit on our branches if we are connected to the vine. We talked about where to put our focus - on staying connected. And how do we do that? By looking at Jesus...constantly. And not on anything else. Including ourselves. And if we concentrate on staying connected to the Vine, the fruit will grow automatically.

"If you look at your life would you say there are apples growing on your tree?" I asked. This time Ron was the one in distress. "There used to be! But I lost what I had. And I want it back." Sue explained, "He tells me, 'I don't get it. Jenae is always so...you know...," and she started motioning her hands in a bubbling motion. "And he wants that back. Now!" She chuckled at his impatience. But I knew I had to confess. I couldn't let them go on believing I was all they thought I was, and that they could never have that, never be "what I was". And suddenly I looked back on the last month at the pile of ashes my life had become...and I saw beauty. I saw His hand taking every twisted thread and weaving each one into His tapestry. I felt the oil of joy for the mourning.

I held up my finger for Sue and Ron to listen. Little Jordan sat there watching it all. "Sue," I asked solemnly, "tell me, did you notice anything different about me at our last study?" I waited as she thought. "What was the last study? Jordan were you here that time? No, I don' think I noticed anything..." I wondered if she was just afraid to be honest. Then slowly she began to remember. "Well...yes, I guess I did. And I told Ron after you left. 'Something wasn't right about Jenae. She was...just...," and she folded her shoulders and slumped in her chair with a stone face. It was an all too true picture of what I looked like at that study. "I was trying my hardest to hide it, Sue. I was struggling with depression. Did you notice I didn't pray that time? I had taken my eyes off my Gardener and there were no apples growing on my tree." Sue and Ron sat there silent. "I'm just like you, I'm human. Oh please, if you want what you see growing on my tree as I come to share God's word with you, don't look at me. Look at the One who tends my tree. And I promise you, you will see apples growing on your tree too. I promise. You can have it back, Ron. But do apples grow over night?" He smiled laughing and shook his head, "No." "Then be patient with yourself. Will you take the challenge? Will you spend time everyday this week looking at Jesus? Talking to Him in prayer. Listening to Him in His word." Jordan nodded her head without hesitation. They all accepted the challenge. I encouraged them to press through even if the devil tried to throw things at them. "It is the most awesome experience you will have. As you look at Jesus you will suddenly see yourself changing, it seems without even trying to change. Because you aren't trying to make the apples grow on your tree. You're letting the Gardener grow them."

The study had ended at an hour, but we didn't leave for another hour. Talking. Encouraging. Sharing. Answering. Watching them pant after the water brooks.

But please, oh please! If I ever coveted your prayers it is this week. I know it's taken me two days to get this post up, but it's not too late. Our next study is on Tuesday. I made them a big promise in God's name. I am praying that God comes through in a big way. I want them to be grounded in Him. I want them to taste and see this all for themselves. I want them to get hooked. I want them to find the key and unlock the door to a new life. Please pray for them, will you?

They didn't seem to want to let us go. As Sue stood outside she told how she was going in to have a heart monitor put on. "The doctor told me what I really need to do is quite smoking. I know I do! I want to." She's tried before but without success. Pray for that too please. Thank you, friend!

Back at home I marveled at how God had not let a single thing be wasted. I needed some time to recover from somethings. To get back on track. But they needed to see I was real. I could have told them I've been discouraged before. I could have told them I wasn't perfect. But would they have believed me? Would they if they hadn't seen the difference taking my eyes off my Gardener had made in the me they'd known?

If the devil thought he'd won something over me in the last month, he only gave God more fuel for glory. And made me hunger and search and cry for more.

A thank you to those few friends who knew and stayed with me through the valley. I like the gloves my Gardener wears. :)

I feel so inadequate. I can see all the "rules" I'm breaking. I leave and I think, "Jordan's hardly been to a church. She has no clue about the Bible. Their still learning where the books are. How will she know where to look to read? How will she know where to hear Him? Where to get inspiration? I should have given her some ideas what to read!" I've debated whether to try to get a hold of her and see how she's doing and give her suggestions like starting with reading John. I don't know. But I know the since it's Him their looking for He can put Himself in their way too. I am praying He does. Lord, help my unbelief. I've just never promised something like this before. But God gave Hannah a son when Eli said He would!

I will do my best to update you after our next lesson Tuesday.

Look who He invited...

Did you ever connect who the VIP were at Jesus Last Supper? A bunch of pretty pathetic characters

arguing.

prideful.

oblivious.

hmm...

Maybe I have a chance?

I write this blog not as the result of a theological session of thought. But after coming out of a deep dark hole. One I've found myself in more times than I want to admit. Honestly I'd be embarrassed to let you see the far too often real me. Just please don't look at all. Keep your gaze on Him.

But back to supper.

I found the following video as a result of reading through old emails from a very close friend. Amazing how God can use someone to still get to you who isn't even there at the time.

So He thinks that of me too? I guess I need to stop finding a different place to lay my sleeping bag when I feel rotten.

But would He have invited me to supper?

Rev 3:20

Ya. I guess He would.

P.S. If you need a follow up? watch this one.

"It depends whose hands it's in..."

An interesting poem I came across while looking for illustrations for my Bible study this evening...


IT DEPENDS WHOSE HANDS IT’S IN


A basketball in my hands is worth about $19
A basketball in Michael Jordan’s hands is
worth about $33 million
It depends whose hands it’s in


A baseball in my hands is worth about $6
A baseball in Mark McGuire’s hands is worth $19 million
It depends whose hands it’s in


A tennis racket is useless in my hands
A tennis racket in Pete Sampras’ hands
is a Wimbledon Championship
It depends whose hands it’s in


A rod in my hands will keep away a wild animal
A rod in Moses’ hands will part the mighty sea
It depends whose hands it’s in


A sling shot in my hands is a kid’s toy
A sling shot in David’s hand is a mighty weapon.
It depends whose hands it’s in


Two fish and 5 loaves of bread in my hands
is a couple of fish sandwiches.
Two fish and 5 loaves of bread in God’s
hands will feed thousands It depends whose hands it’s in


Nails in my hands might produce a birdhouse
Nails in Jesus Christ’s hands will produce
salvation for the entire world.
It depends whose hands it’s in


As you see now it depends whose hands it’s in.
So put your concerns, your worries, your fears,
your hopes, your dreams, your families and
your relationships in God’s hands because


It depends whose hands it’s in.


(Author Unknown)

Bible studies

I have too much to say as usual. And not enough time or energy to say it all. But that's ok because most of you probably wouldn't have enough time to read it. Life. Anyone ever heard the word busy? :)

Update...I have two Bible studies going. Together they add up to 6 people. The first is with two mom's, Susanna and Cassie. Susanna has two little boys, Owen (18mths old) and Oliver (1moth old). Cassie has a little boy Bennet (6mths old). It's a challenge to say the least. I switched the lessons I was using because the first set was taking too long to get through between caring for the precious little ones. So now we are using the series by Karen Lewis, Lifting Up Jesus. I really like these studies. Last night however it felt like Susi and Cassie weren't able to concentrate at all with the little ones. They boys are really quite good for their age. But they have needs that can't wait. It was a bit discouraging as I don't see it getting any easier in the future and this seems to be the only time they can study. But they appear to enjoy the studies and are learning. My other challenge with this one is that Susi uses the NIV and Cassie uses NLT. Both of which have discrepancies in translating chapters on prophecy. This last week Cassie couldn't find her Bible. So she brought her grandma's Bible. It's a Catholic Bible. :) I tried to suggest maybe it would be easier for all of us to use the NKJV since that's what the studies use. They said, "Oh it's fine. I'm following along no problem." *sigh* We study at 7pm CT on Wednesday evenings.

The other study is with Sue, Ron, Mark, and Jordan (a 13y/o neighbor girl of Sue's). I haven't figured out how the other three are related or if they are. Sue bought three books from me when I canvassed last summer. Read that story here under the July 12 section. Ron and Sue live together, but I don't know if they're married or not. They are rural folk through and through. Sue lost her mom last year who she studied the Bible with fairly regularly. They live rather poorly, but I am anxious to see what God will do in their lives. They are incredibly sincere! Jordan has heard next to nothing about religion. She lives with her grandma I gather, who has no interest in it. Jordan wanted to go to church when she was little, but grandma wouldn't take her. So Sue said she's kind of given up. But I think these Bible studies have the potential to bring back the spark and actually answer the questions no one else has taken the time to answer for her. She is bright, but very clueless about the Bible. So it has been a good challenge for me to bring everything down into very simple language and have to give background to every story I tell and every point I make. One thing though, she can read KJV!! A+ for her. :)

Their study is on Tuesdays. We had our second study this week. Mark was gone in TX, but he'd written an opening prayer and left it with a request that I read it at the beginning of the study. He's the most vocal in the study. This first week he was falling asleep a couple times. They all smoke. I can feel it in my lungs when I leave. Ron admitted this last week that he is an alcoholic after I'd mentioned it in an illustration I used. They are so open. Mark the first week said he had once had an experience with God. "It was the most amazing feeling," he said. "Do you want that again, Mark?" I asked. "Oh yeah! That's why I'm here," he immediately responded.

I am humbled by them. I am realizing each week how tremendously privileged I am. It is an awesome thing to present the gospel to people for the first time. Next week I will invite them to ask God into their lives. Pray for them. Sue is struggling. She said she's lost in all the "thee" and "thou" of the KJV. I told her to get a NKJV and it would be a little easier, but promised her that it would get easier the more we studied. She asked why God had so many people killed in the OT. That is a hard question to answer. I did my best. I told her that God never destroys anyone with out giving them chance after chance to accept Him and be freed from the evil that is destroying them. And that is just it, often it is our own actions that bring on destruction. I also explained to her a hazelnut shell version of the great controversy and told her that the devil likes to put his character on God and make us think that God is out to destroy us. But really everything God does is in an effort to save us from the devil. She seemed satisfied for now, but the question still hangs. I don't profess to understand the commands to kill whole nations in the OT either. But I know too much about God love to doubt that He had a plan and it was all mixed with as much mercy as it could be.

Last week Ron pulled down a dusty picture frame off the living room wall with pictures of Jordan as a little girl in it and a drawing she did when she was I think 4y/o. I was stunned. God has a foothold in this little girl. With hardly any knowledge of the Bible and only the answers to the questions she'd asked Ron and Sue (who don't really know much more at this point, only the traditional Christian's knowledge) she had drawn a picture of Jesus and God on a cloud. God is saying to Jesus, "I'm glad you're back." Jesus is saying, "I'm going to get the people." I want this little girl to be there with a smile on her face when He comes to get her! This week she had gotten in trouble at school and was grounded in definitely. I need extra angels to keep that girl out of trouble or at least not grounded! She needs to be in these studies.

Thank you for your prayers. I need them. I feel so inadequate. And I procrastinate so much. Last night I was about in tears. But God is merciful. And He figures out ways to send some of you with encouragement and reminders of His control over all and His love...at just the right time. When these people accept Jesus, you will have been a big part of it. I may be on the front line, but I couldn't stay there long if you weren't backing me with prayer. Thank you!