from January 22, 2014 (unrevised)
(note: some words are from my own dictionary)
Does it ever happen to you? You wake up and look outside and discover that the little imp of irritableness is sitting on your porch swing. What is he doing here? You open the door and shoo him away. But he again returns like a pesky fly that just won't be caught.
Something in the air just doesn't feel right. Where did my sense of His presence and sweet spirit go? What happened to the connection? I suppose there could be as many potential causes and variations as there are of us. Sometimes I can't identify a cause. It's just as if a cloud blotted out my Sun and I have to keep walking by faith. I don't always do so well.
Some mornings I find myself feeling tired and less than excited to focus on quiet time with God. After postponing the parting with my bed it's even more tempting to suffice with a simple devotional and prayer. After all I've already missed my time, there's lots to do, and I better stay on schedule. (What a convenient time to pull out the "schedule" card.) I won't be able to focus anyway with all the to-dos on my mind now. Right?
Well I've tried this method more times than I'd like to admit and though I may accomplish things the problem of little imp irritable is rarely solved. In fact he may end up succeeding in having a friend or two over. Darling distraction perhaps or sir self-reliance. It doesn't end well.
So this morning I find myself in such a place. Something is different inside. Can't put a finger on it but I know the feeling. And I don't like it. I turn my face towards the devotional-and-stay-on-schedule path. But this time something stops me. Why rush? Why do I think that will help matters? Perhaps it is a few phrases in my devotional reading that triggers it.
“Called aside—
Perhaps into a desert garden dim;
And yet not alone, when thou hast been with Him,
And heard His voice in sweetest accents say:
“Child, wilt thou not with Me this still hour stay?”
And then thoughts start meshing. What could it hurt to buckle down and take my unrushed time with Him? Others may have to wait on me, but why punish my Savior for my falling behind schedule? Why focus on the fact that I'm irritable and try to wrestle it myself? *recall family worship*
"Look not to self, but to Christ." MH 65.4
Further reflection.
"It is not wise to look to ourselves and study our emotions. If we do this, the enemy will present difficulties and temptations that weaken faith and destroy courage. Closely to study our emotions and give way to our feelings is to entertain doubt and entangle ourselves in perplexity. We are to look away from self to Jesus." MH 249.4
Feelings are a poor gage for our status with God. Don't give them time.
"At times a deep sense of our unworthiness will send a thrill of terror through the soul; but this is no evidence that God has changed toward us, or we toward God. No effort should be made to rein the mind up to a certain intensity of emotion. We may not feel today the peace and joy which we felt yesterday; but we should by faith grasp the hand of Christ, and trust him as fully in the darkness as in the light." RH, May 3, 1881. – {PH048 30.3}
And so I feel un-Christian and disconnected. What does that matter? Should it keep me away from Jesus? Or do I need Him more? Will He not be compassionate?
"But the centurion said of himself, 'I am not worthy.'
Yet he did not fear to ask help from Jesus. Not to his own goodness did he trust, but to the Saviour’s mercy. His only argument was his great need. Do you feel that because you are a sinner you cannot hope to receive blessing from God? Remember that Christ came into the world to save sinners. We have nothing to recommend us to God; the plea that we may urge now and ever is our utterly helpless condition, which makes His redeeming power a necessity. Renouncing all self-dependence, we may look to the cross of Calvary and say: 'In my hand no price I bring; Simply to Thy cross I cling.'” MH 65
Will He not deal with the imps and darlings?
"In Christ, God has provided means for subduing every evil trait and resisting every temptation, however strong." MH 65.4
The song for worship.
"On the Rock of Ages founded,
What can shake thy sure repose?
With salvation's wall surrounded,
Thou mayst smile at all thy foes."
"We may be shut in by the promises of God, which will be as a wall of fire about us." Signs of the Times, May 22, 1884. – {PH048 39.1}
Leave your emotions to Jesus.
"As a faithful physician, the world’s Redeemer has his finger upon the pulse of the soul. He marks every beat; he takes note of every throb. Not an emotion thrills it; not a sorrow shades it; not a sin stains it; not a thought or purpose passes through it, with which he is not acquainted. Man was purchased at an infinite cost, and is loved with a devotion exceeding that which a father feels for his child. The prayer that comes from a sincere heart will ever find a response in heaven." Signs of the Times, December 3, 1896. – {PH048 40.3}
You know in all my quarter of a century, this feels like the first time it's all come together. I don't know why. I've read all this over and again. But this morning was a bit of an epiphany. I'm thankful that my Jesus is patient while I learn.
Today I chose to give Him the best of my time. Today I chose to look away from self to Jesus. Today I chose to walk by faith not feeling and trust that the Sun still shines behind the clouds...and it will return.
And here's the promise.
"...by persevering effort, habit will finally make it easy." {PH048 34.4}
